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lprovenPedestrian crossings. You'd think you know where you were with a pedestrian crossing, wouldn't you? Green is good, you're safe to cross. Right of way and all that.
But not here. Oh no.
There are two basic kinds, which for British readers, I'll call pelican crossings (the ones where you press a button and wait) and zebra crossings (just some black-and-white stripes and the power of hope).
But the thing is, either way, you don't know for sure if it's actually safe to cross or not. It might be. But it might not.
The thing is, you see, that in Brno, public transport has right of way. Well, some public transport. I am not sure I have a complete grasp of the rules, but it's something like this: trams don't have to stop for pedestrians, not ever. Buses might, if they feel like it. Cars are meant to, ideally.
But, cars are allowed to cross on the other side of the road to the one that pedestrians happen to be in at that moment. So they drive right across the crossing, never mind if you're actively using it, passing in front of or behind you. Trams don't even slow down -- the driver rings their bell angrily at you but keeps on coming.
This also applies when the lights are green on a pelican. The trams keep coming regardless, and the cars will wait for just as long as the traffic lights are red -- and then they go for it.
So, for example, near my office, there's a big four-lane highway, Pořičí, which I have to cross to get here from the tram stop at Křídlovická*. The pelican crossing's lights go green for five seconds. I've timed them. Even on a bicycle I can't get across that fast. And once they go back to red, the cars start coming, and stop against the edge of the black-and-white stripes, eyeing you hungrily, pawing the tarmac, salivating. (I might be imagining that last detail.)
Some pelicans also have a clicker in them for blind users. Most do not. But either way, even if it's green and clicking, you have to check if a tram is coming, because if it is, he ain't gonna wait. If you can't see, I don't know, use the Force or something. Have a very perceptive guide dog and a healthy measure of luck.
And, of course, they're not synchronised with the actual traffic lights at junctions. Oh no. That would take all the fun out of it. No, the lights go red for cars, and for peds, possibly letting the trams through, then they go green for cars and peds at the same time (while the trams are still going) and if you're on foot then you'd better hope that the drivers are in no great hurry.
So it's a case of check both ways, screw your courage to the sticking place, step out, keep checking both ways for trams, try not to flinch if there are any approaching cars, and if there are buses, stare 'em down.
And move fast.
Try not to trip on any tram tracks.
And the strange thing is, given the not-quite-free-for-all-but-nearly, that Czech pedestrians are terribly law-abiding and actually wait for the little green man. Hordes of 'em, like lemmings. The lights go green, the cars, buses and worst of all trams start coming, and off the kerb they dash.
Oh, and the crossings are the same in Bratislava, too.
I have tried to explain the existential dread I now feel when having to use a Czech road crossing to my local friends, in terms of a famous quote. I tell them:
Apparently, the great Harry Callaghan didn't make it over here. So, enjoy.
* Do not ask for a phonetic rendering of those names in English; it's impossible. Seriously. Nobody else in the world has the phoneme written as Ř. It's /r̝/, a raised alveolar non-sonorant trill. The acute accents mark long vowels. Now, aren't you glad you asked?
But not here. Oh no.
There are two basic kinds, which for British readers, I'll call pelican crossings (the ones where you press a button and wait) and zebra crossings (just some black-and-white stripes and the power of hope).
But the thing is, either way, you don't know for sure if it's actually safe to cross or not. It might be. But it might not.
The thing is, you see, that in Brno, public transport has right of way. Well, some public transport. I am not sure I have a complete grasp of the rules, but it's something like this: trams don't have to stop for pedestrians, not ever. Buses might, if they feel like it. Cars are meant to, ideally.
But, cars are allowed to cross on the other side of the road to the one that pedestrians happen to be in at that moment. So they drive right across the crossing, never mind if you're actively using it, passing in front of or behind you. Trams don't even slow down -- the driver rings their bell angrily at you but keeps on coming.
This also applies when the lights are green on a pelican. The trams keep coming regardless, and the cars will wait for just as long as the traffic lights are red -- and then they go for it.
So, for example, near my office, there's a big four-lane highway, Pořičí, which I have to cross to get here from the tram stop at Křídlovická*. The pelican crossing's lights go green for five seconds. I've timed them. Even on a bicycle I can't get across that fast. And once they go back to red, the cars start coming, and stop against the edge of the black-and-white stripes, eyeing you hungrily, pawing the tarmac, salivating. (I might be imagining that last detail.)
Some pelicans also have a clicker in them for blind users. Most do not. But either way, even if it's green and clicking, you have to check if a tram is coming, because if it is, he ain't gonna wait. If you can't see, I don't know, use the Force or something. Have a very perceptive guide dog and a healthy measure of luck.
And, of course, they're not synchronised with the actual traffic lights at junctions. Oh no. That would take all the fun out of it. No, the lights go red for cars, and for peds, possibly letting the trams through, then they go green for cars and peds at the same time (while the trams are still going) and if you're on foot then you'd better hope that the drivers are in no great hurry.
So it's a case of check both ways, screw your courage to the sticking place, step out, keep checking both ways for trams, try not to flinch if there are any approaching cars, and if there are buses, stare 'em down.
And move fast.
Try not to trip on any tram tracks.
And the strange thing is, given the not-quite-free-for-all-but-nearly, that Czech pedestrians are terribly law-abiding and actually wait for the little green man. Hordes of 'em, like lemmings. The lights go green, the cars, buses and worst of all trams start coming, and off the kerb they dash.
Oh, and the crossings are the same in Bratislava, too.
I have tried to explain the existential dread I now feel when having to use a Czech road crossing to my local friends, in terms of a famous quote. I tell them:
It's as if the little green man was saying, 'well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I kind of lost track of whose right of way it was. But being as 5 or 6 cars and a fifty-tonne tram are heading right towards you, and will squash you right into those tramlines, you've got to ask yourself one question: "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do ya, punk?
Apparently, the great Harry Callaghan didn't make it over here. So, enjoy.
* Do not ask for a phonetic rendering of those names in English; it's impossible. Seriously. Nobody else in the world has the phoneme written as Ř. It's /r̝/, a raised alveolar non-sonorant trill. The acute accents mark long vowels. Now, aren't you glad you asked?
