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lprovenHammer
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.
Mechanics knife
Used to slice through the contents of cardboard cartons; works particularly well on boxes containing newly trimmed seats and other expensive soft furnishings.
Electric drill
Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but works better when drilling holes in floor pans, particularly above fuel tanks.
Hacksaw
One of a family of tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course the more dismal your future becomes.
Pliers
Used to round off bolt heads and when nothing else is available, excellent for transferring intense welding heat to the palm of your hand
Oxyacetylene Torch
Used almost entirely for setting fire to various flammable objects in the garage or vehicle no matter how much care you took to remove everything beforehand.
Drill press
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your drink across the garage, splattering it all over that freshly painted part.
Rotary Wire wheel
Cleans rust off old bolts then throws them somewhere under the bench at the speed of light. Also removes flesh in about the time it takes to shout, "Ouc...."
Bolt & Stud extractor
A tool that snaps off in engine blocks and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.
Body filler spatula
Theoretically a useful kitchen tool for spreading mayonnaise in sandwiches which seems to end up spreading filler, but mainly useful for scraping doggy poo off your boots.
Timing light
A stroboscopic instrument excellent for illuminating oil and grease build-up.
Hydraulic Engine hoist
A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of earth straps, wiring and throttle linkages.
12" Long Screwdriver
A large prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle.
Battery Electrolyte Tester
A handy tool for transferring sulphuric acid from the battery across the bodywork into the toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.
Inspection Light
The mechanic's own tanning booth, it is a good source of Vitamin D, the sunshine vitamin not otherwise found when working under Jaguars. Its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at the same rate as 105mm howitzer shells in the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.
Phillips Screwdriver
Normally used to stab lids of old oil cans and splash oil all over your shirt, but also to round off Phillips screw heads.
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.
Mechanics knife
Used to slice through the contents of cardboard cartons; works particularly well on boxes containing newly trimmed seats and other expensive soft furnishings.
Electric drill
Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but works better when drilling holes in floor pans, particularly above fuel tanks.
Hacksaw
One of a family of tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course the more dismal your future becomes.
Pliers
Used to round off bolt heads and when nothing else is available, excellent for transferring intense welding heat to the palm of your hand
Oxyacetylene Torch
Used almost entirely for setting fire to various flammable objects in the garage or vehicle no matter how much care you took to remove everything beforehand.
Drill press
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your drink across the garage, splattering it all over that freshly painted part.
Rotary Wire wheel
Cleans rust off old bolts then throws them somewhere under the bench at the speed of light. Also removes flesh in about the time it takes to shout, "Ouc...."
Bolt & Stud extractor
A tool that snaps off in engine blocks and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.
Body filler spatula
Theoretically a useful kitchen tool for spreading mayonnaise in sandwiches which seems to end up spreading filler, but mainly useful for scraping doggy poo off your boots.
Timing light
A stroboscopic instrument excellent for illuminating oil and grease build-up.
Hydraulic Engine hoist
A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of earth straps, wiring and throttle linkages.
12" Long Screwdriver
A large prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle.
Battery Electrolyte Tester
A handy tool for transferring sulphuric acid from the battery across the bodywork into the toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.
Inspection Light
The mechanic's own tanning booth, it is a good source of Vitamin D, the sunshine vitamin not otherwise found when working under Jaguars. Its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at the same rate as 105mm howitzer shells in the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.
Phillips Screwdriver
Normally used to stab lids of old oil cans and splash oil all over your shirt, but also to round off Phillips screw heads.
