What I Did On My Holidays, pt 1

[lproven]

Eastercon

There are pros and cons to contracting. The money isn’t as regular as one might ideally wish, but there’s rather more of it coming in of late – sufficient to, for example, stay at the Eastercon main hotel even when it’s in the same city as the one in which you live.

Well, nominally; to be strict, chez moi is in Surrey, about half way between central London and central Croydon, whereas Heathrow is nearly twice as far out in the now-nonexistent county of Middlesex. It’s a fair hike from me to there – at best, about 90min on the Tube and then another £4 and up to an hour by shuttle bus from the airport to the Radisson Edwardian. I know this, because on Thursday, although I wasn't staying, I decided to pop over to the con for the evening, to see early birds such as suaveswede and danacea. Nice plan, anyway. Left at about 7:30pm. Heathrow by 9. Radisson at 10. Left about 11:30. Home at 2:00am.

Still, it was a pleasant evening, or at least, the bit of it I spent there was.


I'd been working up to and including the preceding Sunday, although I did manage to make it down to the Claret in Addiscombe after work to meet TAFF delegate Chris Garcia, whom I know - very slightly - through ClassicCmp.

Being on shift Thursday to Sunday meant that my next days would be Friday to Monday - in other words, working straight through the bank holiday & thus all of Eastercon. Since I've not missed an Eastercon since my first in 1994 – Sou'wester in the Adelphi in Liverpool, the one where I first encountered those two leggy lovelies danacea and kjersti, some 11'8" of svelte gorgeousness between them – it was an instant decision to take the time off and attend Orbital.

For inscrutable reasons, booking the weekend off meant that I was not due back in the office until April, so I decided to see if anyone fancied joining me on a last-minute snowboarding trip. Few could at such short notice, but an old mate from Uni, John, was up for it.

Having a partner in crime, it was only left to find somewhere to go, quickly and on the cheap. That took most of Friday, but in the end, madmosh_uk came to the rescue. Lastminute.com and the like suggested that an inexpensive trip would be a £1,500 one to California or Canada. I disagreed. I mailed Iain to ask if there was anywhere cheap in Chamonix that he could recommend – he's working there for the season – and he replied "screw that, come and stay with me. I've got 2 spare bunk beds. It's cosy, but it's free. Can't get cheaper than that."

So John & I quickly booked flights on Easyjet, made travel and rendezvous plans, and then I set off to the con.

Late.

Again.

What to say about this year's con? It's all rather overwhelming, really. I think Guest of Honour Neil Gaiman put it best when he said "It was a terrific Eastercon. It made me think, 'I wish I could have been there'."

Highlights…

- Well, it was very pleasant to spend a good chunk of time with Danie ("Danacea") again, and me being as ever so shallow that you could walk through me in sandals without getting your feet wet, I enjoy the attention of wandering around with a very attractive woman. Even if said woman is now one who is, alas, inaccessible to me. (But even if she were, I'd only go and fall in love with her again. Bad habit of mine, that.) She dressed up on Sunday night, in a zippy top, lycra leggings and spikey stiletto knee boots, garnering much attention – and damn me if she didn't look just as good as she did 14 years ago, which I reckon is quite an achievement.

- And another close encounter of the ex kind: as several people had taken pains to pre-warn me (and thanks to you all!), kjersti rolled up late on Saturday night, too. I was downstairs in the hotel bar when she strolled in. We spoke for the longest time we have in, oh, 4 or 5 years. Many tears were involved – mostly hers; she's not in a happy place right now. It was… interesting. I have heard tell from various sources – you know who you are – that she had split up from Mathias and some woman called Emily who I've never encountered. (It's not entirely clear to me who was whose partner in this little lot, but my days of trying to keep track of poly relationship networks are long behind me and I will never, ever go there again. It's all just horrid.) I thought K was moving out, but she tells me she did that 18mth ago or something. I really struggled to understand her; I don't know if that's because of the noisy bar and my failing hearing, or because I am no longer attuned to her accent. I misheard several things, some of which were very regrettable and meant I responded hurtfully to things I'd not understood.
- Following that, several people approached me and warned me Not To Go There Again. I have mixed responses to this, including amusement, gratitude and generally much confusion, emotional and otherwise.
- I saw her flash past on Sunday too, but never spoke to her again.
- I found my response odd when I learned of her separation. I had expected to be jubilant or joyous, but I was not; it actually felt like a relief, if anything, like some region of intense internal pressure had been released.
- She was wearing heels. She never used to wear heels. Well, platforms or big blocky low ones, but not little pin heels. This surprised me a lot. Unsure why. It's been a long time, I suppose. Much water under many bridges.
- Am I allowed to say I've missed her? It's probably redundant, in any case. I must ask her out for dinner or something.

- Monday was rather intense, what with appearing on a panel in the main programme room with that godlike genius Mr Gaiman, and then in the evening, doing an extended stand-up comedy spot. At the last minute, I was moved from the real ale bar to the atrium, placing me so far from the crowd that I could hear little of their response, which does make like difficult. It seemed to go down all right, though. I think I might try to retire the Emo impersonation now, though. This was all jamesb's doing - he asked me to do it to promote next year's Eastercon, LX in Bradford, of which he is co-chair. I appear to be on my way to being LX's press officer now, too. Eeep.
- I am intrigued and fascinated by happyuncledave's suggestion, nay, instruction that I now write my own material and do my own act instead of a ripoff pastiche of Emo's. I had been considering doing a Bill Hicks routine instead; he spoke out strongly against this. I can and do make people laugh, and I love to, but I have been giving this much thought and I really don't know where to begin when it comes to writing a routine. I know I can't simply make up gags. I also know I like to tell stories, recite anecdotes, but I don't know how to – excuse the geekism – optimise them for humour. It's calling to me, though.

- The con itself did not feel like an Eastercon; it felt like a small Worldcon. There was masses going on at all times, and spread out across a huge warren of a hotel. I missed most of it; there were whole wings of the hotel I didn't discover until Sunday or Monday. I believe there were some 1,300 people – that's twice some Eastercons, more or less, and about a quarter of a Worldcon. Certainly it felt as spread-out and disparate as a Worldcon. I love Worldcons, mind – only been to 4, want to do more - but I also miss the intimacy of an Eastercon. I know there were loads of people there I never saw, or only very briefly.
- As a result, I'm considering another change of con-attending behaviour. Over the years, I've gone from "attend as much programme as possible at all costs", to "hang out and chill with friends", to "volunteer and run around like a nutter all weekend". All seem somehow unsatisfying; all mean I miss out on some things. So I've enquired about joining next year's committee. I must be mad.

- I hate Frank Wu. I've never met him, only saw a tiny fraction of his art work in the artshow, and thought it was all right, but his partner was undoubtedly the single most striking woman of the whole weekend (who was not a former partner of mine, that is.) Curse him!

- Nobody else seemed to both [a] be available and [b] press my buttons. Shame. My first Eastercon single in years, and it was a dead loss on the, ah, fishing front. I know, I know, I'm far too fussy. Believe me, I fervently wish I wasn't.

- Mitch Benn. Heard him on the radio – not much taken. I am not a current affairs buff; things like the "Now Show" leave me cold. But live, he was superb. Absolutely brilliant. Best live comedy I've seen in years. I laughed 'til I cried then laughed some more.

- Encountering hirez for the first time in years. Top chap.

- Being in sneerpout's bedroom until dawn. I swear I didn't get a wink of sleep. Or anything else matching "w?nk", either. Long time, no natter.

- The inevitable Accident (™ high-heeled fishlifter) in the dealers' room caused 2 carrier bags of books to mysteriously appear in my room. Happily, I'd also offloaded a bag full to Anders from last year, so I had room to carry them. Not too horribly expensive, either. It was on the borderland of becoming a Disaster, though.

- Finding that the random stranger I was sharing a room with was a pleasant chap. Finding, after his early departure, that he was an exceptionally nice chap: he'd paid the entire bill for the room; I owed them nothing. Remarkable!


Downsides and low points

- Failing to see lots of people.
- Not getting to spend enough time with most of those I did see.
- Missing most of the programme, when lots looked really good.
- Regular reminders that I have become a fat b*st*rd. [Sigh]
- Spending far too much money.
- Not getting out to eat enough.
- Never making breakfast even once.
- Utter failure to score.

So, really, very small negatives. Overall, a bloody fantastic weekend.

Coming soon… The Week After. Stay tuned.