But wait! There’s more!
Jun. 20th, 2003 02:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lprovenNot only Douglas, but the mysterious ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
green_amber too!
OK. I’m game.
Yes.
But “control” is a tricky word, here.
Firstly, yes, you can learn to control anything, given enough time and practise. What I mean by this is that you can learn not to display your responses: you can hide them. However, in most cases, unless you do this for an awfully long time, you’ll still feel them.
So the real question, perhaps, is “can you learn to control what you feel?” Well, still yes, but whether or not, and to what degree, is very variable from one individual to another.
I was in a polyamorous relationship with Kjersti and Mathias. I didn’t want to be, but it was a condition of being involved with Kjersti. As it grew more and more involved between them, I very strongly felt jealousy, envy, inadequacy, shame, anger, resentment, possessiveness and a whole host of other emotions.
I discussed these widely online. Some of you may have seen this. Many poly people just do not get most of these: they don’t experience them, so they do not know them; they cannot empathise, even on an intellectual level. I got told some truly pathetic bullshit: “Hate is a four-letter word”; “Jealousy is a blindfold – take it off”; “I cannot put limits on love”; crap like that. Egregious hippy bollocks of the worst kind.
But I also talked with monogamous people in relationships with polys. They know what I felt; they felt the same. Some had overcome these feelings. One woman told me she tried and tried and tried until she just ‘lost her rag’: she became so annoyed with herself for feeling so miserable that she lost her temper with herself, shouted at herself internally, and ripped open these feelings in a brutal fit of merciless self-analysis. And at the end, she found most of them were really baseless and stemmed from unnecessary feelings of possessiveness and so on, which were simply not applicable in her relationship.
So she was able to transcend them.
Another person said they just had to focus on the positive aspects of the relationship and take extreme measures to avoid dwelling on the legion of overpowering, toxic bad feelings that obsessed them. I could certainly relate to that.
I never got this far. Maybe, one day, I will, but to be honest, at the moment, if any prospective partner mentions “polyamory” or “open relationships” to me I will throw their body in the Thames and run like hell. So I’m unlikely to learn quickly. But if something came along and made me change, who knows?
People? No. Sod it, there are six billion of ‘em. We can lose a few. Personally, I’d say we can stand to lose about five billion, nine hundred million and be better off.
When it’s MMF, though, the woman is generally likely to be immensely turned on by the scenario, so it’s more fun for the guys. You’ll probably get to try some things you’ve not done before, and the aspect of re-enacting a scene from a porn shoot is good fun. If it’s two straight girls, the guy has his work cut out keeping both quite that interested and they probably thus won’t be turned on to the same degree as if it were two guys. Still damned good, though. Sitting in bed looking at two horny naked women smiling at me invitingly has to be one of the finest moments of my life.
One guy, two chicks: more mental stimulation, but you're busy. Close to the ultimate fantasy, certainly.
Two guys, one chick: your own personal porn movie, but then, you've got to be a pro to get the best out of it...
Threesomes? I recommend them!
Incidentally, I have no idea what this "Coupling" thing is...
If I don’t run out of patience before then, it will happen at They Came And Shaved Us in Dundalk in autumn – along withdougs and hawkida. Sponsor me!
If, on the other hand, you don’t want me to, sponsorgummitch for me NOT to have my head shaved.
I used to change hairstyles regularly, and while I’m used to long hair now and quite happy with the look, I prefer to have short, spiky hair.
Blond, preferably.
I’m me! Why would I want to be anyone else?
I have no idea. Never even occurred to me.
Of course, like most people, I’d love to try being me but female for a while. In fact, I’d like to be able to switch at will, I think. I’d love to know what it feels like to have sex as a woman. I’ve no idea what kind of guy I’d want to shag, though.
But to be someone else? The concept is profoundly alien to me.
Let’s think… although I’ve been thinking about it since you posted that.
I think, someone slim, fit and physically active. That way, it would maximise the contrast between them and me. Which makes me think... OK. On a whim, my mate Maxine, who's a member of my fencing club, the Swash & Buckle. She’s a trainee stuntman. She fights like a demon – very fast, energetic and scary, but as of distressingly close to three years ago, not actually terribly effective yet. :¬) But she is stunningly flexible, can put her head to her heels backwards, do a standing backflip without blinking, stuff like that. And she’s young and striking and smart. That would be truly consciousness-expanding, I think, and a lot of fun.
But it’s probably not what you were looking for…
green_amber too!1) Do you think people can actually control their emotions by intellectual effort, like jealousy, love, hatred? Some people? all people? Which people?Ahaaa. Topical. More topical than you realised, eh?
OK. I’m game.
Yes.
But “control” is a tricky word, here.
Firstly, yes, you can learn to control anything, given enough time and practise. What I mean by this is that you can learn not to display your responses: you can hide them. However, in most cases, unless you do this for an awfully long time, you’ll still feel them.
So the real question, perhaps, is “can you learn to control what you feel?” Well, still yes, but whether or not, and to what degree, is very variable from one individual to another.
I was in a polyamorous relationship with Kjersti and Mathias. I didn’t want to be, but it was a condition of being involved with Kjersti. As it grew more and more involved between them, I very strongly felt jealousy, envy, inadequacy, shame, anger, resentment, possessiveness and a whole host of other emotions.
I discussed these widely online. Some of you may have seen this. Many poly people just do not get most of these: they don’t experience them, so they do not know them; they cannot empathise, even on an intellectual level. I got told some truly pathetic bullshit: “Hate is a four-letter word”; “Jealousy is a blindfold – take it off”; “I cannot put limits on love”; crap like that. Egregious hippy bollocks of the worst kind.
But I also talked with monogamous people in relationships with polys. They know what I felt; they felt the same. Some had overcome these feelings. One woman told me she tried and tried and tried until she just ‘lost her rag’: she became so annoyed with herself for feeling so miserable that she lost her temper with herself, shouted at herself internally, and ripped open these feelings in a brutal fit of merciless self-analysis. And at the end, she found most of them were really baseless and stemmed from unnecessary feelings of possessiveness and so on, which were simply not applicable in her relationship.
So she was able to transcend them.
Another person said they just had to focus on the positive aspects of the relationship and take extreme measures to avoid dwelling on the legion of overpowering, toxic bad feelings that obsessed them. I could certainly relate to that.
I never got this far. Maybe, one day, I will, but to be honest, at the moment, if any prospective partner mentions “polyamory” or “open relationships” to me I will throw their body in the Thames and run like hell. So I’m unlikely to learn quickly. But if something came along and made me change, who knows?
2) Is there anything you would defend with your life and if so, what?Gaia. Perhaps, also, certain manifestations of it; I care more about the environment, about endangered species, than I do about people. I don’t actually like people very much. I feel the best way to run a hunt sabotage session involves piano-wire strung between trees and automatic weapons. Let’s get out there and kill those scum, shoot them in the back like the cowards they are, then let’s see how keen they are to go and chase wildlife with horses and weapons. For this, yeah, I’d take my chances. Give me a small stealth ship and a few torpedoes, and a crew of the world media, and I’d cheerfully risk my life to sink a whaling ship and kill every person on it.
People? No. Sod it, there are six billion of ‘em. We can lose a few. Personally, I’d say we can stand to lose about five billion, nine hundred million and be better off.
3) Ever had a threesome and if so, what variety(s)? If so, do you think it's really the ultimate male fantasy it's cracked up to be? (I've been watching too many eps of Coupling..)Certainly, lots of times! I’ve gone to bed with two male/female couples and one pair of females. Both ways are fun, but personally, I’m straight and not interested in men, so two girls is more fun for me. Thus I’ve not tried three guys and aren’t likely to.
When it’s MMF, though, the woman is generally likely to be immensely turned on by the scenario, so it’s more fun for the guys. You’ll probably get to try some things you’ve not done before, and the aspect of re-enacting a scene from a porn shoot is good fun. If it’s two straight girls, the guy has his work cut out keeping both quite that interested and they probably thus won’t be turned on to the same degree as if it were two guys. Still damned good, though. Sitting in bed looking at two horny naked women smiling at me invitingly has to be one of the finest moments of my life.
One guy, two chicks: more mental stimulation, but you're busy. Close to the ultimate fantasy, certainly.
Two guys, one chick: your own personal porn movie, but then, you've got to be a pro to get the best out of it...
Threesomes? I recommend them!
Incidentally, I have no idea what this "Coupling" thing is...
4) Ever tempted just to cut your damn hair and save all that time getting the tangles out?Frequently.
If I don’t run out of patience before then, it will happen at They Came And Shaved Us in Dundalk in autumn – along with
dougs and hawkida. Sponsor me!If, on the other hand, you don’t want me to, sponsor
gummitch for me NOT to have my head shaved.I used to change hairstyles regularly, and while I’m used to long hair now and quite happy with the look, I prefer to have short, spiky hair.
Blond, preferably.
5) If you could be a woman for the day out of all your real acquaintances (not TV stars or fictional people) who would you be?Oh what?
I’m me! Why would I want to be anyone else?
I have no idea. Never even occurred to me.
Of course, like most people, I’d love to try being me but female for a while. In fact, I’d like to be able to switch at will, I think. I’d love to know what it feels like to have sex as a woman. I’ve no idea what kind of guy I’d want to shag, though.
But to be someone else? The concept is profoundly alien to me.
Let’s think… although I’ve been thinking about it since you posted that.
I think, someone slim, fit and physically active. That way, it would maximise the contrast between them and me. Which makes me think... OK. On a whim, my mate Maxine, who's a member of my fencing club, the Swash & Buckle. She’s a trainee stuntman. She fights like a demon – very fast, energetic and scary, but as of distressingly close to three years ago, not actually terribly effective yet. :¬) But she is stunningly flexible, can put her head to her heels backwards, do a standing backflip without blinking, stuff like that. And she’s young and striking and smart. That would be truly consciousness-expanding, I think, and a lot of fun.
But it’s probably not what you were looking for…
